I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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