so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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