He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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