Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
