tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
