dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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