beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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