I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
