I want you more than these girls want KFC
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
