i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
