Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
