Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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