At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
as a side note pls kill me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
