We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
