Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
