Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
