I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes