I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket