I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later