im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for