Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.