Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.