I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
