pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im holly from the hills drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
