i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
