He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize