i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
