Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
