Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
