i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My pussy is not your playground.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
