Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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