I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
