Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
