i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
