had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize