come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
