just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
