I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
