She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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