Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
