Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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