look no pants
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.