Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth