You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
