youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
