Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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