I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
