Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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