i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
