There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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