So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
