Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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