Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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