Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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