he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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