woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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