Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
