Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
