my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
