Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
