Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
