Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
