She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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