This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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