thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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