Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
