But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
