apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
